YouTuber Ria Ricis has officially divorced from her husband, Teuku Ryan (2/5). Several days after the court decision, social media was filled with court documents revealing the reasons behind Ria Ricis and Teuku Ryan’s divorce.
The document highlighted several points explaining the reasons for the celebrity couple’s divorce, ranging from financial reasons to Teuku Ryan’s behavior that made Ria Ricis feel bad, humiliated, and unwanted.
In relation to this, psychologist and sexologist John Gottman, through his book “What Predicts Divorce?”, revealed four main causes of divorce in marriages, namely contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling. He derived these answers from researching 40,000 couples over more than 50 years.
“Of the four, the biggest predictor of failed marriages is contempt,” Gottman said as quoted by CNBC Make It.
According to Gottman, contempt leads to negative words. This is when one partner expresses superiority over the other, making the latter feel diminished and unloved.
For example, constantly interrupting a partner’s speech rudely indicates that someone views their partner as having nothing interesting or important to say.
“When this behavior happens more often, any relationship, let alone a marriage, is in trouble.”
Contempt eventually makes partners feel unsupported. The partner, who should be a companion, will begin to feel like an enemy.
To eliminate contempt in a relationship, Gottman suggests the need for openness about emotions. For instance, when one partner cancels dinner plans, instead of cursing, expressing sadness openly with a request is sufficient.
“To avoid communication that is contemptuous, express what you feel, add a request, and invite your partner to think together in that conversation,” he explained.
Another way is to express appreciation. This helps partners focus more on positive qualities than negative ones.
“Track your communication patterns for a week. How often are you engaged in negative interactions (e.g., nagging, criticizing, ignoring, rolling your eyes) versus positive interactions (e.g., praising, complementing, doing something nice for the other partner)?” Gottman added.
